To go back to LTC or back to the Community

I am a PSW, and I love my job. I love working with the elderly, I love hearing their stories, over and over lol. When I first started as a PSW I was working in the community, and I was working for Red Cross (later called Care Partners) I did it for 2 years, working 7am-10pm 12 days a week and only getting every other weekend off, and those were my days off in the entire month. I had, had enough and got a job at LTC. I loved it when I was doing my placement, I loved the fast paced. So I applied for a part time position at a nursing home and have been there ever since. But I am currently on maternity leave, I have 4.5 months left until I have to go back to work. So knowing those months go by fast, I have been searching for daycare. That has been a struggle because there is no one willing to work around my hours for LTC. We found someone for daycare, she does it Monday-Friday 6am-6pm. So then my husband and I thought maybe working back in the community would be better for the daycare hours. But it is a 4 dollar an hour pay cut from working in the community verses to working in a LTC. My husband is an RN at a mental hospital and he either works 7am-7pm or 11am-11pm. It is almost an hour drive to his work, and when he working the day shift he always works overtime tip 11pm. So I thought maybe working a night shift in the nursing home and then dropping my child off at daycare and sleep during the day and pick him up in the afternoon. But then my husband wouldn’t be able to do any overtime when working a day shift.

I absolutely love the dementia and Alzheimer’s floor in LTC. I love the behaviours, I feel like I flourish there. Of course, working on the locked unit comes cons like getting punched, kicked, spit at, scratched at etc.

Working in the community, I felt more like a maid than a PSW. yes, granted in the care plan you a re required to do ‘some light housework’ like doing the dishes, sweeping the floor, cleaning the bathroom but some clients take advantage of it and order you do a whole house clean and then they don’t want a shower/bath. Some clients are only on the CCAC for socialization, and I like those visits because they talk about their past, how they grew up, they talk about their children etc. But you get paid 4 dollars less an hour working in home care than in a nursing home, plus working in the community you have to pay for your own gas, plus wear and tear on your car. Yes you do get paid Kms from client to client, but it is definitely not enough.

So I’m not sure what I am going to do, I definitely don’t want to work 12 days before getting a day off, so maybe I already know my answer lol

Not sure of the career path I want to follow

When I left my children’s father, I was 24, had worked at Tim Hortons for 10 years at that point, I had no future to look forward to. So after the court dates were settled and a thing of the past, I enrolled in school. At first I just did some upgrading on my bio, chem and math. Then I always knew I would make a great PSW. But I wanted to go the 4 credits I needed to graduate high school. So I wen to an adult learning centre, and got those 4 credits I needed and I was finally able to get my high school diploma. Then I went into getting my PSW diploma, and 4 years later I am still a PSW. After that I registered into a pre-health science course because I wanted to be a nurse, but I had always struggled in math and fractions are my enemy. So I decided not to become a nurse, even though I think about it a lot. I decided to become a RMT. I always enjoyed giving massages, and when I registered for the program I was dating someone for a month, and had no idea I would end up marrying him, but I knew being an RMT would give me the freedom of having a life with my children with me being a single mom.

But life happened, and my husband and I decided to try for a baby, his first after we got married. I didn’t think it would happen so so soon. We got pregnant after 5 months of trying, and then I had to stop going to school and work almost full time so I could make sure I had those 600 hours to get the year off on maternity leave. So I finished my fourth semester and I have five and sixth semester left to finish and graduate the massage therapy program. I was already getting burnt out in the fourth semester, and my husband and I were talking about if I should take off some time to re charge anyways. I should of graduated in April 2015, but I didn’t go back for the fifth semester in Sept 2014 because I was working. Now its been a year and a little bit since I’ve been out of school, and having been in school for 5 years straight I am just so burnt out. I am not sure I want to finish that one year left. But then I have 41.000 in student debt that would really be for nothing if I didn’t go back. Being a  PSW is a fine career and it pays decent (really for the amount of work we have to do, we get paid shit, but that’s another story)

I don’t want to feel like a failure if I choose not to go back, and I also don’t want me husband to think I am a failure because I don’t want to go back. He has said that I don’t need to go back if I don’t want to. I just feel like I would have all these people and ex’s thinking and looking down on me that I wasn’t good enough, not smart enough o pull that off and to become an RMT. I know those are my own insecurities shining through, but then I also have those hateful words in the back of my head of what an ex said, that I would never amount to anything, I am a nothing and will always be a nothing.  But most of all, I don’t want to feel like a failure to my children and my husband because thats what is most important.

So I’m not sure as to what path I’m going to lead into, I just hope I will be supported in any decision I make.