When I left my children’s father, I was 24, had worked at Tim Hortons for 10 years at that point, I had no future to look forward to. So after the court dates were settled and a thing of the past, I enrolled in school. At first I just did some upgrading on my bio, chem and math. Then I always knew I would make a great PSW. But I wanted to go the 4 credits I needed to graduate high school. So I wen to an adult learning centre, and got those 4 credits I needed and I was finally able to get my high school diploma. Then I went into getting my PSW diploma, and 4 years later I am still a PSW. After that I registered into a pre-health science course because I wanted to be a nurse, but I had always struggled in math and fractions are my enemy. So I decided not to become a nurse, even though I think about it a lot. I decided to become a RMT. I always enjoyed giving massages, and when I registered for the program I was dating someone for a month, and had no idea I would end up marrying him, but I knew being an RMT would give me the freedom of having a life with my children with me being a single mom.
But life happened, and my husband and I decided to try for a baby, his first after we got married. I didn’t think it would happen so so soon. We got pregnant after 5 months of trying, and then I had to stop going to school and work almost full time so I could make sure I had those 600 hours to get the year off on maternity leave. So I finished my fourth semester and I have five and sixth semester left to finish and graduate the massage therapy program. I was already getting burnt out in the fourth semester, and my husband and I were talking about if I should take off some time to re charge anyways. I should of graduated in April 2015, but I didn’t go back for the fifth semester in Sept 2014 because I was working. Now its been a year and a little bit since I’ve been out of school, and having been in school for 5 years straight I am just so burnt out. I am not sure I want to finish that one year left. But then I have 41.000 in student debt that would really be for nothing if I didn’t go back. Being a PSW is a fine career and it pays decent (really for the amount of work we have to do, we get paid shit, but that’s another story)
I don’t want to feel like a failure if I choose not to go back, and I also don’t want me husband to think I am a failure because I don’t want to go back. He has said that I don’t need to go back if I don’t want to. I just feel like I would have all these people and ex’s thinking and looking down on me that I wasn’t good enough, not smart enough o pull that off and to become an RMT. I know those are my own insecurities shining through, but then I also have those hateful words in the back of my head of what an ex said, that I would never amount to anything, I am a nothing and will always be a nothing. But most of all, I don’t want to feel like a failure to my children and my husband because thats what is most important.
So I’m not sure as to what path I’m going to lead into, I just hope I will be supported in any decision I make.