Today was a challenging day

Most of my days of late have be proved difficult, challenging and hard, but I had to truly open my (new but old) mommy eyes and see things in a different light.

When my third child was born, he lost 2 pounds by the time he was 10 days old, and we were on a strict every 2 hour feeding no matter what breast and formula. So he slept on our chest in those two hours because what was the point of putting him in his bed when you just have to pick him up. Then he was in the hospital from 10 days old to 3 weeks, so he slept in the hospital bed with us because we almost lost him, every moment was cherished.  Then having to lay with us in order to fall asleep and then putting him in his bassinet.

So from being in a nice squishy warm home from 9 months and enjoying every moment of it probably, while I was in agony with pain, heart burn, sleepless nights for days, being kicked in the ribs and punched in my groin, then to be out in the world and being constantly cuddled for the first few months of his life, I know understand why he is so clingy and wants his mommy!

So we bought a woven wrap so I could at least get things done around the house, or just to walk around without having to hold my new babe. We also bought a silk ring sling for variety, but he was getting more active and didn’t like to be so confined in the wrap and sling, which was upsetting because we spent over 300 dollars for those! He didn’t like the 90 dollar swing we got him, he just liked to be held.

So the laundry rarely got done, I would do a load but then I would forget about it a few times and it would be washed a few more times. The dishes would pile up, the house would be a right off between baby toys and my other kids stuff. I never had time to shower every day, so I would go 2 days without showering and by day 2 I would just let him scream in his crib until I had a shower. I mean, I know I could of showered when he went to bed, but seriously that was too much effort and energy, so I would always make my way into bed as well, even if it was just to read a book or watch tv, the house chores could wait yet another day.

I am so glad my husband understood, even know he never really truly understood what I go through in a day, he never said a word about the laundry never getting done (obviously I did do it when everyone was running out of clothes to wear, it was rarely folded haha) the house was a mess, but he loved me anyways and need said anything, but I love you and you are an amazing mother.

My mom funny enough mentioned to me about his mamaroo swing, and she said her and my step dad would get it for us. It took awhile for my son to actually like it and didn’t cry within a minute of being in it. On those tough, challenging days I would try the mamaroo, the crib, our other swing, the bassinet, the sling and wrap but nothing would work, until I pick him up!

Once I am holding him, he would stop crying and then get all cozy and lay his head on my chest or on my shoulder.

But then, right at that moment I become frustrated because I cannot begin or try to finish the household chores, shower, relax or even go pee! He would cry for hours if I let him, and then I remembered my first son was the same way, and he was colic until he was 6 months. It turns out my third was colic until he was 4 months, but he is still clingy.

But then I realize that of all the things I felt like I needed or wanted to get done around the house, Hawkston just wanted to be held and comforted by me. I mean thats what he is used to since while in the womb, why would it stop now that he’s out, especially right now when he is teething for this third tooth.

So today, while he is screaming his face off in the mamaroo while having been changed, fed, given Tylenol, he need for me holding me hit me like a huge weight on my shoulders. He is needing something, something I am not sure of what he wants. Currently he is going through this stage where wen you try to cuddle him he arches his back and slide down. So today I was going to trying to unpack boxes and try to put the rooms together, boxes all thrown about, the counter top cluttered, the living room a mess with all his toys, and all I can think about is drinking a bottle of wine (which I don’t have ;( ) I sit here trying to remember that while it to tough being a mom, is it hard being a baby, they can’t talk to you, and they communicate by crying, which seemed like nothing worked today, no swings, no walking around the house, no laying on our bed, no going for a walk, advil and Tylenol didn’t help, dry diaper wet diaper, no clothes, clothes on nothing worked!

Today as I sit here writing this blog, I have puke in my hair, my hair in knots from Hawkston pulling my hair, I did manage to shower this morning in his 20 min nap, but as the day went on nothing worked and he just screamed, but I need to remember as much as these days like this frustrate the hell out of me, soon enough I’m going to be craving these moments as he growing up so fast, and before I know it he will be in school.

Being an experienced mom, I thought I would have more patience considering my other children are 11.5 and 10 years old. But in all honestly I think I have less patience. I’m not sure as to why, but this time around I have an amazing husband who actually helps me when he can, and I very much appreciate it. I know I can expect to much from him, but he takes it in stride.

Being a mom, takes a lot of responsibility, courage, determination and patience. No one ever said it would be easy, we all as moms will get frustrated, be exhausted and have some frustration. We have this little human being who looks up to us in every way to support them. We all have those moments when we swear, say you’re done and text your husband and tell him how bad your day was, (which I already did haha) and burst into tears because you just can’t take anymore. Just remember and look at your precious little human being, that they are also going through some huge changes, and probably just as frustrated as you are.

So cherish these small moments when they are babies, because I know it won’t last long at all.

PS, once I got my son into the bath before bedtime he was all smiles and giggles and talking away! It also took me all day to write this blog lol


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